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Neil Patrick Harris Get Probed

You know, I always thought that the first time I saw Neil Patrick Harris lift his leg for a warm probing, there wouldn’t be a cold, heartless computer screen separating us.

Of course, having the moment I wished for would have given me a heart attack.

I guess it’s true, Life only gives you what you can handle.

Stupid Life.

Neil’s Puppet Dream – Dream Bump

So the latest Neil’s Puppet Dream is out.

This time the dream isn’t about the puppets. Instead, it’s about that natural competition that pops up in any relationship; in this case, who can have the better dream. (Hint: It’s David Burtka, and sweetie, you want to be invited to that dream!)

Catch here:

Favorite Lines Include

“Bob Macke, he designed them for me in a power nap.” – David Burtka – Because any Bob Macke reference is awesome.

“Hey Joe, you want me to be your water.” – Neil Patrick Harris
“That’s super weird, Neil.” – Joe Manganiello

And Willam has a cameo. I love Willam, she cracks my shit up.

Neil’s Puppet Dream… More Sex! More Ick.

Hmmm… I have to say, this episode of Neil’s Puppet Dreams was less “HAHA” and more “I think I need a bath now, preferably with a sandpaper loofa.”

I know, I know, it’s a puppet, so what if it is underaged? I’m such a prude… and yet… icky feeling.

That said, when the police offers tackle NPH it becomes pretty hilarious. “Oh, you’re teeth are so soft…” That’s comic genius!

Condiment on Your Sausage

I’m a few days behind on sharing the latest Neil’s Puppet Dreams, but here you go!

My two favorite lines:

“We’ll put a condiment on your sausage and your wife won’t get crabs.”

“I don’t eat beaver ” – “That makes two of us.”

Neil’s Trouser Weasel

A new episode of Neil’s Puppet Dreams is out. In this episode, we learn three very important things:

  1. Neil’s doctor is Patrick Fillion, much to the disappointment of doctors everywhere who will forever be compared to Fillion.
  2. Neil has a sizeable trouser weasel.
  3. Focusing on one guy’s penis for less than 10 seconds is uncomfortable. Focusing on NPH’s penis for 3 minutes, priceless!

Here’s the episode:

Neil’s Falling Dream

OMGOMGOMGOMG! It’s here! The Nerdist‘s webseries starring Neil Patrick Harris.

This causes me to thing two things:

1) Hamlet must’ve been the inspiration for this dream sequence. Observe…

To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
– Hamlet

You know, if Hamlet had puppets that sang to him and he wasn’t a whiny, pussy-assed bitch.

2) OMGOMGOMGOMG looks more like “Om Gomg Gomg Gomg” – so I apologize for that.

Watch the debut episode below:

And remember, regardless of the dream you have, whether it be to have a Sunday to yourself or become a major league badass like Chris Kluwe, it end with: “Your insides will be outsides by the end of this dream.”

(I’m thinking I need new categories specifically for Chris Kluwe and Neil Patrick Harris. But they can rest assured, I’m not a stalker. Mostly because I’m lazy and they live really far away.)

NPH & DB

Today’s the day when the first webisode of Neil’s Puppet Dreams launches.

I’m pretty sure this is what NPH and David Burtka are doing today.

I’m 100% sure I’d rather be hanging with them.

Except I probably couldn’t partake in the wine, since I’d be too busy drooling.

Neil’s Puppet Dreams May Be My Wet Dreams

That red band is the time vortex all drivers must slog through to get to where they’re actually going.

Over the holiday weekend, we had some significant drive times between Chicago and southern Indiana. If you use Google Maps, you’ll find that the drive time is approximately 5 hours. If you use Apple Maps, you’ll find that you need to cross Montana to get there, but it’s only a 3 hour drive. In reality though, time is immeasurable when you drive through central Indiana.

It’s the land that time forgot.

Now most couples, having to drive through infinity, would have developed little ways to pass the time: sing-a-longs, license plate games, or VW punch bug with baseball bats. The boyfriend and I never quite got there. We started off trying, but somehow these games always ended in conversations about judicial restraint, a topic upon which we vehemently disagree.

Or more accurately, he disagrees, because he thinks it’s funny when I start ranting about activist judges who sentence teenage murderers to 7 years of weekly church services.

How funny is it when I don’t pass the sweet potatoes during Thanksgiving, Bucko? Yeah, that’s right, no awesome marshmallow melt for you and your judicial activist supporting ways.

But I digress, because I’m afraid this is starting to make me look petty and vindictive.

For this trip, I downloaded several new podcasts for our listening entertainment. Two of the podcasts were a bust, but the third was the podcast equivalent of having that special someone tug gently on your balls while doing what they do best.

What, I hear you ask, is this audio equivalent of oral congress?

Well, Mr(s) Olde Tyme, it’s The Nerdist podcast, hosted by Chris Hardwick, Jonah Ray, and Matt Mira. Most weeks they have a celebrity guest on the show and the crew cracks wise, while sharing insights about the entertainment industry, nerd awesomeness, and all manner of things that make you think, “Ahhh… I’m not alone in this universe.”

Even the boyfriend, Mr Anti-Entertainment Judicial Activism Rules, loved the p-cast. After ten hours of The Nerdist, we’re devotees.

But that’s not all!

These awesome people have combined awesomeness with the reigning Sultans of Awesome – NPH and DB themselves. Now I’m pretty sure the Doctor warned us about this in an episode last season where Rory (*sniff, sad*) said something silly. If I remember correctly, the Doctor said, “Having too much awesomeness in one spot creates a paradox in a universe set to mediocrity. When that happens, *poof*.”

So I realize this post is getting a bit long, so I’ll cut to the chase, Mr(s) Olde Tyme and provide this in a format you might understand. Commence excited blog post, Telegram Style.

Web series stars NPH Cast mates are puppets, David Burtka, and men in shiny underwear NPH has shirtless scenes Hilarity ensues

But don’t take my word for it – watch this little video to see all the AWESOMENESS that is about to be unleashed on your unsuspecting mediocre ass. You’re gonna need to change the sheets my friend, cuz that wet spot isn’t gonna dry itself.

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