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Condiment on Your Sausage

I’m a few days behind on sharing the latest Neil’s Puppet Dreams, but here you go!

My two favorite lines:

“We’ll put a condiment on your sausage and your wife won’t get crabs.”

“I don’t eat beaver ” – “That makes two of us.”


Neil’s Puppet Dreams May Be My Wet Dreams

That red band is the time vortex all drivers must slog through to get to where they’re actually going.

Over the holiday weekend, we had some significant drive times between Chicago and southern Indiana. If you use Google Maps, you’ll find that the drive time is approximately 5 hours. If you use Apple Maps, you’ll find that you need to cross Montana to get there, but it’s only a 3 hour drive. In reality though, time is immeasurable when you drive through central Indiana.

It’s the land that time forgot.

Now most couples, having to drive through infinity, would have developed little ways to pass the time: sing-a-longs, license plate games, or VW punch bug with baseball bats. The boyfriend and I never quite got there. We started off trying, but somehow these games always ended in conversations about judicial restraint, a topic upon which we vehemently disagree.

Or more accurately, he disagrees, because he thinks it’s funny when I start ranting about activist judges who sentence teenage murderers to 7 years of weekly church services.

How funny is it when I don’t pass the sweet potatoes during Thanksgiving, Bucko? Yeah, that’s right, no awesome marshmallow melt for you and your judicial activist supporting ways.

But I digress, because I’m afraid this is starting to make me look petty and vindictive.

For this trip, I downloaded several new podcasts for our listening entertainment. Two of the podcasts were a bust, but the third was the podcast equivalent of having that special someone tug gently on your balls while doing what they do best.

What, I hear you ask, is this audio equivalent of oral congress?

Well, Mr(s) Olde Tyme, it’s The Nerdist podcast, hosted by Chris Hardwick, Jonah Ray, and Matt Mira. Most weeks they have a celebrity guest on the show and the crew cracks wise, while sharing insights about the entertainment industry, nerd awesomeness, and all manner of things that make you think, “Ahhh… I’m not alone in this universe.”

Even the boyfriend, Mr Anti-Entertainment Judicial Activism Rules, loved the p-cast. After ten hours of The Nerdist, we’re devotees.

But that’s not all!

These awesome people have combined awesomeness with the reigning Sultans of Awesome – NPH and DB themselves. Now I’m pretty sure the Doctor warned us about this in an episode last season where Rory (*sniff, sad*) said something silly. If I remember correctly, the Doctor said, “Having too much awesomeness in one spot creates a paradox in a universe set to mediocrity. When that happens, *poof*.”

So I realize this post is getting a bit long, so I’ll cut to the chase, Mr(s) Olde Tyme and provide this in a format you might understand. Commence excited blog post, Telegram Style.

Web series stars NPH Cast mates are puppets, David Burtka, and men in shiny underwear NPH has shirtless scenes Hilarity ensues

But don’t take my word for it – watch this little video to see all the AWESOMENESS that is about to be unleashed on your unsuspecting mediocre ass. You’re gonna need to change the sheets my friend, cuz that wet spot isn’t gonna dry itself.

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